Cheers 2 Ears!
Two dudes named Aaron toasting their way through the Disney resorts. New episodes drop every Monday morning
Cheers 2 Ears!
Surviving Paradise: The Swiss Family Robinson's Wild Adventure with a Big Bamboo
Grab your Big Bamboo cocktail and join us for a hilariously critical look at Disney's 1960 adventure classic, Swiss Family Robinson! We're sipping on this tropical concoction from Animal Kingdom's Yak and Yeti restaurant while breaking down why this beloved film might be the most delightfully implausible survival story ever told.
From the impossibly quick construction of an elaborate treehouse to Francis's supernatural ability to tame wild animals in seconds flat, we dissect the charming absurdities that make this film both frustrating and endearing. How does a supposedly Swiss family speak with perfect British and American accents? Why would you bring a harpsichord to shore but leave the cannon on the shipwreck? And most importantly, how does Francis repeatedly avoid death despite his best efforts to court disaster at every turn?
The final battle sequence draws our special attention as we compare it to the Ewok scenes from Return of the Jedi – complete with improbable booby traps, physics-defying coconut throws, and pirates who couldn't hit the broad side of a barn despite the Robinson family standing in plain sight. We even cast our dream lineup for a modern remake, with Hugh Jackman leading our fantasy Robinson clan.
Whether you're a longtime fan who grew up dreaming of living in that magnificent treehouse or you're discovering this Disney classic for the first time, our affectionate roasting celebrates everything that makes Swiss Family Robinson the perfect family-friendly adventure film – logical flaws and all. Pour yourself something tropical and join us for this journey into nostalgic Disney absurdity!
Here's who we are and what is in store for you
Hello and welcome to Cheers to Ears, where today we're sipping on a Big Bamboo. A Big Bamboo sold at Yak and Yeti in Animal Kingdom. It's made with Don Q Coconut Rum, don Q Crystal Rum, Banana Liqueur and Tropical Fruit Juices for the low, low price of $14.
Speaker 2:I noticed a lot of their drinks are $14. Yeah, I just saw that. It's a good meal at Yak and Yeti and a fairly inexpensive Disney drink.
Speaker 1:Right, and if you're holding a 10 and a 5 in your hand, you're good to go. You got a dollar extra when you leave. Get a dollar for tip If there were no tax. Oh yeah, well.
Speaker 2:Yeah, anyway, I forgot about tax, esky tax. Yeah, so I've eaten at Yak and Yeti. I didn't have a cocktail, but I've had food there. Yeah, not bad Big portions. It's one of those restaurants that isn't owned by Disney. It's owned by oh, a company that Some outside company that runs it, and I can't remember the name park.
Speaker 1:How many are? How many of those are there? This is something.
Speaker 2:There's a few I don't know about, okay, and I can't remember the, the, the company. It's like a big restaurant company that owns several chains, I think, and then they own these one-off restaurants, really yak and yeti. Oh, I'll have to look that up and I'm trying to remember the other ones but I can't off the top of my head Interesting.
Speaker 1:Maybe we should do an episode on that. Which is why Restaurants not owned by Disney.
Speaker 2:Oh, we could Reviews, because if you join their points club, yeah, you can actually use, use the discount card there In Disney, or the point card loyalty card at that. Really, yeah, whoa An interesting tip we learned.
Speaker 1:Well, I mean, animal Kingdom also has Rainforest Cafe and we know that's not Disney owned. No, it's not, and it's in Animal Kingdom. So yeah, so I guess that's right, I mean.
Speaker 2:Rainforest Cafe. Restaurants that I'll never eat at right pretty good gift shop, though for a for a restaurant, it's cool. I ate at the one at the san francisco wharf once, uh-huh, and I'm good I never have to eat there again. Yeah, that's not important average food.
Speaker 1:thank you, thank you, disneyland, yeah, for taking it out, yeah, and and putting nothing there, really.
Speaker 2:So let's talk about this drink. Oh yeah, Very alcohol forward.
Speaker 1:I would say For a reason because we filled a glass up with alcohol before we added the juice Because it had, yeah, coconut rum, banana liqueur, regular rum.
Speaker 2:So very strong coconut and banana flavors, Very strong coconut and banana flavors. And then we put passion fruit puree, guava puree and mango puree Right.
Speaker 1:I think that's really what helped us out there, because it added more flavor to it. Yes, the purees don't take up so much room, because we didn't have much room for the juice left in the glass. Afterwards, christy thought I would think this is too sweet, because I don't like really sweet drinks. But I don't like sweet like puckeries. Oh, tart, tarty drinks right. I like like tart candies, but not drinks Right. That makes you like pucker your lips when you have it. Yeah, we've had a few of those. Yeah, that's not my favorite, but this is not like that. This is this doesn't make you.
Speaker 2:this doesn't have a sour or a tart, or it's too sweet of a taste. It goes down. It's pretty smooth for how much liquor and juice we have in here, and we did. We did top it off with a little bit of of an orange juice blend. That's what the the bottle said. It had like orange and apple and pear juice all mixed in, but, yeah, mostly orange juice.
Speaker 1:Yeah, this, I bet this is not how it would taste really in the parks. It might be kind of close.
Speaker 2:I have a feeling it would be less alcohol forward and more fruity drink.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think we're a little far. I think this is one of our further off of the drinks.
Speaker 2:It probably because I put the whole shot and we use Key Largo coconut rum and and yeah, I think this Captain Morgan white rum and what was it? The 99 banana liqueur.
Speaker 1:I think this is like 19, 1950 or something, if we made our drink in the park, yeah, but I probably could have done.
Speaker 2:A half bottle we got, we got minis for everything except for the white rum. A half bottle we got, we got minis for everything except for the white rum. I probably, with both the banana liqueur and the coconut rum, probably could have split the one bottle into two probably, instead of we have three shots of booze in each of these.
Speaker 1:So yes, but we're only recording one today, like you said. Yes, we usually record two episodes a day and today we're just doing one because our guests didn't come. That we talked about having the show? Yes, we talked about it. Yeah, we couldn't schedule proper guests. I think their fees were too high.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:They wanted to go. We're still negotiating. Yeah, negotiate table. Yeah, yeah, I think they're union.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I know they're union and they're union rep.
Speaker 1:yeah, I know their union, then their union rep. You know the jerk right. We're negotiating for new guests on the show, but you know there's a lot of intangibles in the whole thing there is and that's just kind of the way it goes, so and we couldn't get anyone to come on this show today to talk about our topic, because we're the only two people, probably in the tri-state area, who has watched this movie in the past like two months. I'm sure that's true.
Speaker 2:Today we're talking about Swiss Family Robinson, which is why we went with Yak and Yeti, right, because this takes place on a tropical island in Southeast Asia, somewhere. They're all lost. And we went with yak and Yeti because it's it's an Asia section of animal kingdom. So that was the connection. At first, we were going to go with something from the Polynesian and I'm like no, because I thought they were in the South Pacific. And then, even though I've watched this once or twice before, and then, even though I've watched this once or twice before, I'm watching it this time, it kind of dawned on me mid viewing that oh, no, wait, they're in Southeast Asia. We should probably change up our cocktail and change up our location and whatnot.
Speaker 2:But Swiss Family Robinson, swiss Family Robinson 1960. So 1960 version, right, and there's a 1975 version and a 1940 version. And there's a 1975 version and a 1940 version. And then there's a TV show. I know, I saw that I think the TV show would have been a better idea. Really. I think so because when you build this, when was that made? It was in the 70s as well, okay, okay. So when you build a home, a big giant tree house, in the span of like what seems like three or four days. It doesn't lend to the believability and, I think, a TV show where you got more of a sense that they were there for a few years, which they weren't, because the kids didn't grow at all.
Speaker 1:I know, but that's not what they have for their timeline of the show, no, so anyway we'll get into that. I think a lot of this.
Speaker 2:We're gonna be trashing a lot of this.
Speaker 1:So trashing it as I think it's an okay 1960s Disney movie. It is Like off the top.
Speaker 2:Let's start off. We'll say the good things about it. It's a great, campy, old campy Disney live action movie, like a lot of them are, and they're worth it for the entertainment value because even the stuff that annoys you is is entertaining, so good, wholesome family fun. Right View depictions that they give you a warning about ahead of time.
Speaker 1:But I think I think that if you have kids, yeah, and sit down and watch this, it's a fun time to. It's a fun thing for, like back in the 60s, is how they made movies, just like, yeah, all your favorite disney movies, yeah, happened at a college, those aren't my favorite, but oh yeah, right.
Speaker 2:But but see those have the same. You're all on yourself, man, no, no, my favorite disney movie is follow me boys okay, we've been talking about that. It's not on disney plus but these all the old 60s, early 70s, that stuff is just good campy fun yeah, this isn't the worst, I mean as far as production value for the 60s, it's done pretty well and these movies, this one in particular, these kind of hit a nerve with me as far as why I enjoy them.
Speaker 2:So it's with a grain of salt, admittedly, but the survival aspect, because I always kind of put myself so, thinking of, even like Stand by Me which to me is one of the best movies ever A couple of kids, or you know four kids, striking out for a few days walking 20, 30 miles, 30 miles. You know there's that camping outdoors, survivalist type of I don't know theme to it gordy got a goochers.
Speaker 1:So to me those are always kind of like interesting or stuff that resonates to I'm about ready to quit all of stand by me right now, so let's move on.
Speaker 2:But like there's. There's an aspect of those movies that appeals to me, so which is why, yeah, I like this one. Yeah.
Speaker 1:So I? I mean it's at the tip of being a survivalist movie. It's not really. It's not at all.
Speaker 2:No not at all, but it's still. I'll sit there and think, okay, what would I have done in that situation? Right, and I wouldn't have done anything that that stupid kid did. But you know who? Francis, francis, the youngest boy.
Speaker 1:The only good name of a child they had, though, I mean, francis isn't a horrible name, but their other two kids' names are horrible Ritz, ernst and Francis. Ritz and Ernst, yeah, so, yeah, so we're still on good stuff about it.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I think the number one thing is the production value though it was, it was good because it was shot like cinematography back then.
Speaker 1:Yeah, the animals they used. Yes, animal trainers must've worked their butts off.
Speaker 2:There was one I was reading that they because they had people running away from the tiger, which sets off the tiger's instinct to go attack it because they think it's prey. So the trainer is actually in the shot trying to control the tiger so it doesn't kill the actors.
Speaker 1:Yeah, yeah, the tiger was a good character. It was, he was good. The elephant was pretty good. The zebra the zebra was great. Riding a zebra is like a dream for me, really. Oh, I love Zebras are one of my favorites.
Speaker 2:Oh, okay, I love a zebra, yeah, anyway. I don't know where that even came from. I don't know where to go with that, but that's okay.
Speaker 1:That came from. You know everybody, that's the kind of review of a movie. This is those are the good spots. Yeah, I think we're about done with the good stuff, like the really good stuff. Yeah, I think we can get into the weird stuff. It's all, that's all. This is all off the top of my head because everything I wrote down is not good. Not good, it's not good stuff. It's weird or cringy or stupid.
Speaker 2:Yes, that's what I have. Yeah, so let's run through that. So let's be honest, they would have all been dead in a week had this been an accurate movie. Yeah, maybe the dad and the older brother would have survived a little bit longer. Everybody else would have been dead.
Speaker 1:The middle brother is pretty smart. He's smart. He might have figured stuff out with them if they were all three together. Potentially, yes, I think that Francis would have killed them all right away. Probably he would have gotten them killed. He would have gotten them killed. He tried to get them killed a bunch of times. The pirates over here, that kind of crap.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it was an interesting aspect, a tidbit about this movie, an interesting fact. So a tidbit about this movie, an interesting fact. So John Mills plays the dad and he is the father of Hayley Mills, who went on to do Parent Trap Pollyanna. So an interesting connection there, you know, to Disney.
Speaker 1:Lore Lore, I was a huge Parent Trap fan as a kid. Oh, I did. Hayley Mills was my favorite. Lore Lore, I was a huge Parent.
Speaker 2:Trap fan as a kid. Oh, I did. I liked it too. Hayley Mills was my favorite yeah.
Speaker 1:Me and my cousin used to always say Hayley Mills and Hayley Mills, with Hayley Mills.
Speaker 2:But interesting, a Swiss family and the whole family has American and British accents, right?
Speaker 1:So yeah, so that's my first point. I wrote down too. Yeah, so I could do. We could do any in the 60s. We could make a movie about any ethnicity. Yes, Because we just use our same accents. Exactly it didn't matter. Because they just say, they're Swiss. Yes, hey, I'm German. Hey, aaron, how are you? I'm German too. Oh now, I'm French, but here I am talking in my French accent. There was nothing. They just said we're from Switzerland. Your name's Ernst. Your name's Ernst and Fritz.
Speaker 2:That's about it, and we won't even delve into trying to name mom and dad. They'll just Mother Robinson and Father.
Speaker 1:Robinson. Yeah, we won't even try to talk about Swiss traditions or anything. We're just from Switzerland. Yeah, we'll just say that.
Speaker 2:So I could go back and forth between things about this kid or just things about the movie. The first thing about the movie. So when they're you know, it's kind of a mix, Like do we follow chronological stupidity in the movie or do we just pick and choose here? But I'm thinking of when they're getting off the. So their ship crashes against the rocks. Nobody else survives except for the family, or they all abandon ship and let the family on there with all of the supplies and the goats and animals and stuff, Right. So they start making a raft so that they can get to shore, because there's still a couple few hundred yards offshore. So Francis, the young dumb kid starts loading up.
Speaker 1:We agree on this. I thought we were going to agree.
Speaker 2:Look what I found. And it's like, no, you didn't find, it was the captain's two great names. It's like, kid, you didn't find them. They were there all along. It's like he found them. And, hey, look what I found Two great names that have been on the ship for months along with us, right. So he puts them into the raft and he names them like that. And he names them like that, right. Because obviously the captain didn't have a name and didn't tell them what the name was at some point, because you know he was harassing those two dogs the whole trip, right.
Speaker 2:But then he starts loading the ducks into the raft. Right, not quite grasp that ducks, being an aquatic bird, can either fly or swim to the island and don't need to be transported via raft. So, first major stupidity moment for the kid. Or the second after look what I found, right. So yeah, that was that. And then getting to shore the only other thing that was. So they're having a hard time paddling to shore. Then they see this giant sea turtle swimming and they get the idea, hey, let's lasso the sea turtle and have him drag us ashore, like a sea turtle is going to put up, but not pull him out to sea he's going to take, and somehow a sea turtle is able to pull this, this raft that weighs a couple thousand pounds at least, to shore right, and he does it willingly.
Speaker 1:The amount of animals wild animals they turn into beast of burdens in this movie was a little weird yeah, so, so, so, so, francis, I just I just thought of this, okay, Because I was thinking of I have a bunch of Francis stuff about his animal. Oh, yeah, he tames them in like four seconds. Yes, he names and tames, yes, name it and tame it. Right, like I didn't write down any of the names. But he names the animal and says this is my elephant, this is his name, and he jumps on his back and starts riding it yeah, right. Or it says animal, step in this right, step in this rope. And then the, the elephant, steps in the rope, the dogs attack the tiger, yeah, and gets rid of it, right, and he just la, la, la, right, oh, there's an it in a jockey style yeah, right, yeah. So he tames him. So you know who he is, who the new francis is, and disney is disney lore, that's our word of the day. Yes, is antonio from incanto. Oh, maribel's youngest brother, yeah, I just thought of that?
Speaker 1:oh, because francis tames animals like in 10.2 seconds, like he can talk to them.
Speaker 2:Right yeah.
Speaker 1:I'm going to put a tiger in this hole. Yeah, oh, I got a tiger in my hole now, like 14 seconds later.
Speaker 2:Yeah, tiger's not going to be wary about that. You know what's interesting about that? The tiger's when later on in the movie, when the pirates attack, somehow that tiger was able to throw two pirates. I was just gonna say that they go fly it out not injured, not injured, but they're completely launched out of this pit they fall in the pit and they fly out like it was a trampoline.
Speaker 2:Yeah, that was great but you know, but it was kind of funny with, also with the animals, like he. He finds this baby elephant names it, claims it, you know, and everything. And then, like the next scene, they're using it to build their treehouse Because they see the tiger and they're like well, let's go up into the tree and build a treehouse, we'll be safe. No, that's not how, because tigers can climb. But anyway, I think that actually the mom brought that little bit of like common sense to him. Yeah, but they had rails on their stairs?
Speaker 2:Yes, they had rails on their stairs. That was very important, but what was funny is they captured this baby elephant and begin using him as a beast of burden instead of the ox and the donkey that they domesticated. Ox and donkey they already had. No, no, why use the domesticated animals? Let's capture a wild animal, domesticate it and then use it. That just makes much more sense. That's hilarious. So you know one of the things this is towards later in the movie. They have well, okay, before we get to that. So as best I can figure it is, and at one point the pirates are actually speaking Indonesian to each other. They're not at all, though.
Speaker 1:Well, they actually are. I looked it up and they just speak whatever came out of their mouths at the time.
Speaker 2:They speak gibberish, but some of them, actually a couple of them actually were speaking.
Speaker 1:A couple of them, the main pirate guy yeah, I was listening to him talk. I'm like he's just saying the same word over and over again.
Speaker 2:But at one point and I could actually hear they were speaking Indonesian. So, leaving Europe, sailing around the is it the Cape of Good Hope? Around South Africa, they would be passing through, going to Papua New Guinea, which is at the end of Indonesia. So somewhere on one of those islands is where they crash landed their ship, crash landed their ship. So interesting fact that they had both southeast asian animals on this island and african savannah animals. Right, so not necessarily the element zebra, ostrich, right, yeah, everything hyenas, hyenas, because the hyenas the zebra scene.
Speaker 1:when he got stuck in the In the mud pit.
Speaker 2:In the mud pit. Yeah, they rescued the zebra, which obviously in zebra mind means I'm forever indebted to you for saving my life.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and speaking of the animal scenes, the Python scene was rough for me. Yeah, I watched the whole thing. That was rough. So, and how he I don't know how he found his head and hit it, I don't know what, and then the snake still slam off. Yeah, I don't understand. He just gets scared. Yeah, oh no, I'm out, I'm out of here now, yeah, I believe you guys. I thought they killed the snake, but then you see the snake swimming off in the water fritz took him.
Speaker 1:Yeah, you know. Oh, it's Fritz, I'm out of here. So just to keep on, francis, before we exhaust our hatred for Francis.
Speaker 2:I was going to end on Francis. Oh, you didn't want to end on, francis, I have a ton of Francis.
Speaker 1:Okay, so I have more Francis stuff. We'll save that.
Speaker 2:The only other thing, well, the only other one that I wrote down, even though I have lots of other things about the movie, so even though I have lots of other things about the movie. So they find Roberta and her grandfather who have been taken captive by the pirates. They rescue Roberta, the granddaughter, and so they're still under threat of pirate attack. Once Fritz and Ernst and Roberta get back to the family, they're still under threat of pirate attack and they set up like their Alamo, basically the top of the hill, and they have booby traps and everything. Yeah, great, there's, they're ready for, but at no point do they have a lookout watching for potential pirates. Like you would have a lookout 24 7 for pirates coming ashore. I would think, yeah. And then, in the midst of this not having a lookout, you decide to have a carnival with animal races where everybody's riding like the ostrich or the donkey or the zebra, and having races along the beach.
Speaker 1:That's one of my scenes I have here. I have a list of ridiculous scenes. Okay, let's hear some of yours. Okay, here. So I have a list of ridiculous scenes. Okay, let's hear some of yours. Okay, so, so I have the entire the tree house.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:That's. That's a ridiculous scene. Yeah, building a tree house so fast. The internet says it's a span of 10 years. Okay, that none of them age. They don't age at all, okay, right, they don't age at all. Okay, right, but that's ridiculous, right In 10 years.
Speaker 2:I could believe that they could have some form of a tree house, but not I don't know. There was some intricacies to that tree house that I thought were a little overdone, right.
Speaker 1:Francis, animal collection yeah, got that. The animal race, yeah. And then the booby trap scene. The whole booby trap scene, the whole booby trap thing with the pirates when they're up on the top of the hill. Yeah, they kept killing all the pirates, but there were still 500 of them. This is true After he killed them all before the second wave came in. Yeah, the second wave did come in and that's legit, but they would kill them all, right, and their booby traps sucked as far as, like, all the trees would fall on them. And then still 500 pirate. The first one was the arrows. They shot at him. Yeah, shot him on the legs of the arrows, but they kept running, just as fast.
Speaker 2:I love how francis kept popping out in the open to throw those coconut oh yeah, in precise precision so that's another one laying in arms, like like the world's worst quarterback. He's right, his arms are flailing and somehow those are landing by actual people. Right, that whole fight scene.
Speaker 1:I call it the Ewok scene. Yes, because it's so Ewok or Home Alone. That's exactly what it is. It totally is. That's exactly what they did, roberta being a, even them thinking she's a boy. Yeah, she looked like a boy all the entire time. She didn't or did. I don't think she looked like a boy when they first saw her.
Speaker 2:No, no, no, With that little hat on.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she still looked like she had makeup on. Yeah, like still looked like a girl the entire time. That's the worst disguise ever.
Speaker 2:And then they're. They're laughing about her or what they thought were his delicate hands, and it's like okay, you, you two are a couple of idiots. Right? Did you not encounter any women in switzerland before you left?
Speaker 1:no, no girls, no, they're. New guinea is where they're gonna be. All the girls. Yes, the robinson commando squad is what I call them. All of a sudden, they can sweep from ropes. Yeah, precise, and like precision bombing on everything, the exact time to light a wick. Oh, yeah, right everything was precise.
Speaker 2:They use I don't know some bamboo straw looking for wicks and it burned like a regular wick and it's like that's just the grass.
Speaker 2:No, he had his little candle flame two feet from the wicks for hours, yeah, right, but like when they the first bombs that they lit and they had the really long fuses that went down to the bottom of the hill, right, and it's just tearing off really fast fuses and it's like, yeah, that's just rolled up straw. Right, that's not a fuse, and it wouldn't burn that fast. Of course not. It would smolder over like the span of six hours.
Speaker 1:Yeah right, but to know how fast that would burn, yeah, in the first place they roll up a bunch of straw, light it. No, not yet.
Speaker 2:No not yet.
Speaker 1:Oh, hold Now. Now that's going to hit him right. I want to get it where the pirates be right there.
Speaker 2:Yeah.
Speaker 1:Really. And then my last one I have for ridiculous scenes was all the crap they go through for the whole movie. Uh-huh, and there's no resources on the island to survive for the next 20, 30 years, yes, and they all say I want to stay. I want to stay, except for Ernst.
Speaker 2:This is a great idea, Because they bribe him with like hey, we'll help you get into university. Right Bye, fam.
Speaker 1:Right, I'm out of here. And then, yeah, that was a funny part too, that Ernst and his brotheritz yes, we're fighting over the girl the whole time, but at the end he's like bye fritz, see ya.
Speaker 2:So, and it was funny. It's like they they had their goodbyes. And then ernst is like paddling off with all the. So the grandfather escapes and comes back with another ship, uh-huh, and they scare off the pirates, right. So he's like 50 feet out in the water they're paddling back to the ship. Goodbye, goodbye. It's like, wait a minute. Didn't you already say goodbye on land, right? Why would you wait to say goodbye when you're like 50 feet away on this robo?
Speaker 2:So grandpa comes back and he's in it and it's really interesting. So they so, and grandpa speaks british or english as well, but british english. And they're like well, you could stay here because this will be a colony, maybe you'll be mayor type of thing. Yeah, because they're going to start bringing people back to colonize it. And I'm like and how stoic he looked. Yeah, but when were the Swiss ever known for colonizing foreign lands? It's like this is a British guy. You're yeah, you're colonizing it because you're a bunch of Brits, right, let. Colonizing it because you're a bunch of brits, right, let's just be honest, that's hilarious. So, yeah, the goodbye scene was all kind of hokey, but if it was spanned over 10 years it would have made sense supposedly the, the period of when. This was sometime between 1804 and 1815, so during the, the napoleonic wars, when I was doing some research on some backstory because I was like, when did this supposedly happen? You know all that type of stuff. Yeah, 1804 to 1815.
Speaker 2:Another thing when they're on the lookout or the Alamo, what did you call it? The final battle where they're fighting off the, the Ewok, the Ewok battle. Yes, the Ewok battle is how good they were with musket rifles, with hand-to-hand combat with a musket rifle and hand-to-hand combat With a musket. Even Mother Robinson, that's tough to swing. She's like she smacked one guy, they had swords, they were all. That's tough to swing. She smacked one guy and shot. They were all deadly accurate with these muskets that are notoriously not accurate. But the pirates couldn't hit anything. They're all standing out in the open, all the Robinsons shooting at them and running around. Francis should have been shot like 20 times. Pirates couldn't hit anything like they just looked in that general pointed the rifle in general direction of pirates and they shot someone you're right, and when they hand-to-hand combat, yeah, they had swords, yeah, and they're.
Speaker 1:Guys have muskets, the musket one. Every time it did, they blocked the musket and, like butt, stalked them off the and then they fall to their death. I've never seen that without like a bayonet attached. Yeah, I've never seen that in a battle in my life. Oh, I know, and that's not how Marines train and we'll ignore how they got those massive logs all stacked up at the top of the hill to collapse them down onto them, we'll just ignore.
Speaker 2:That's Ewok style, yeah. Logs all stacked up at the top of the hill to collapse them down onto them, we'll just ignore. That's Ewok style, yeah. But like a guy and his wife and some teenage girl and a bunch of teen and preteen boys Right, all got these massive logs up the side of a cliff, yeah, and stacked them.
Speaker 1:That's exactly what Ewoks did, no problem. Ewoks are like three feet tall, yeah, and they got that's exactly what Ewoks did, no problem. Ewoks are like three feet tall, yeah. And they got all these huge boulders, yeah, stacked in the same exact way and had them all ready to go exactly where the stormtroopers were going to come up the hill, right the same exact path. They knew exactly where they were coming.
Speaker 2:It was such an Ewok battle, yeah, it just didn't make a whole lot of sense. That was like the most effective way of getting rid of them. I did like how, when they shoot a pirate and they would show they'd throw a dummy off a cliff like in in pirate clothes. They were just and I like that for a disney movie let's show some killing here. But the, the, the dummy is just bouncing down this cliff and arms are going everywhere.
Speaker 1:I didn't respect. They didn't show actual killing, they did because some didn't get up.
Speaker 2:No, in 1960 that's pretty good. Yeah, yeah, that was legit.
Speaker 1:I didn't respect that. When I was watching, I watched for one guy who fell off the cliff onto a rock yeah, and I was waiting for him to get up, get up. He didn't. Yeah, he didn't get up.
Speaker 2:No that was good. The robinson family you know they kill and you don't. You don't come back from their, their wrath right.
Speaker 1:So before we finish off on francis, let's talk about their christmas time. So they have christmas, they right, they have christmas. But they all only know one christmas song.
Speaker 2:Yes, and they all know it because they're singing it in the thing, in their thing, and then when, when the kids come back from being lost for days, they're singing the same exact song as they're walking up I do like how francis and maybe they got it before the kids decided to sail off the two boys, but they thought it was important to go get the harpsichord off of the ship and haul it up the tree so that mom would have something to play. But not the cannon. But not the cannon. Leave the cannon grab the harpsichord.
Speaker 1:Grab the harpsichord. Right, leave the gun, take the cannoli.
Speaker 2:Right, we haven't had a good mafia like godfather reference in a while, didn't we used to make those like every episode, every episode yes, their one christmas song was hilarious.
Speaker 1:Yeah, and it was the oh christmas tree song. Yeah, right, which, if you want the best version of the oh christmas tree song and this is way off of cheers to Ears lore, because that's our word of the day yeah, it's a South Park Christmas episode where Hitler's singing O Town of Moth in Hell. So listen to that. And that's the best version of O Christmas Tree ever made, ever made.
Speaker 2:Okay so let's get into talking about Francis.
Speaker 1:Let's talk about Francis to end this thing.
Speaker 2:I got a couple things. He's just a stupid kid. He yells way too often. He is. He's very excited, yes, and it's like kid, I'm two feet away from you. Why are you yelling? It's just. Why are you yelling, kid? And yeah, just want to smack him. I went into the duck thing Like he thought the ducks needed to be ferried to the coast, you know. But one of the things I'm most disappointed in this movie is they had so many opportunities to kill off his character and they didn't take it.
Speaker 1:I thought of that. I thought a few times in the movie that if this was a modern movie, one of the characters would get killed off. Yeah, someone would get killed at some time.
Speaker 2:Just to have that little heartbreaking moment Right Now. Granted, it would have lasted about 90 seconds and then they would have moved on to some other thing and he might have been comic relief back in 1960,. But so nobody threw him over the boat. No, Before the boat crashed, I would have thought the sailors would have gotten annoyed with him just chucked him overboard. I don't know what happened to him. Oh, he must have fallen over at night going to the bathroom or something. Yeah, so why the sailors on the ship didn't kill him before they even got shipwrecked, I don't know.
Speaker 1:Ooh, in my modern take, sorry for interrupting, yeah, in my modern take I just Francis. Francis makes a mistake, right, like he did about 10,000 times, by calling the pirates over or something, gets Roberta killed, ooh, and then the brothers are pissed at Francis for a while. Yeah, that's my modern take on the movie.
Speaker 2:Most of it. I just wanted to tell Francis hey, why don't you go just stand underwater, stand underwater.
Speaker 1:Count to 5,000.
Speaker 2:So you know, when he sees the monkeys and he climbs up the tree and he's grabbing those monkeys, a slip and a fall they could have killed off his character man. He's your Sven. Easy peasy Francis. Is your Sven elephant attack like that elephant realistically would have turned on him, stomped him. No more. France's better movie, crossbow accident at christmas. If you're his parents and you know what kind of kid he is, are you giving him a crossbow? That's asking for some family member to die he willingly shoots that thing everywhere.
Speaker 1:Yeah, he doesn't even, he doesn't even look where he's aiming.
Speaker 2:I'm surprised he wasn't looking down at it like is this thing loaded right, shoot himself in the forehead and then, when they're, he's throwing grenades just willy-nilly, uh-huh. Why didn't he just hold on to one like two seconds too long?
Speaker 1:well, it looked like he was. He held that thing forever. Yeah, he kept running around the whole island with it. Wait, maybe one of these.
Speaker 2:And the way the wind can't be longer yeah, they blew a chance to kill off his character.
Speaker 1:I'm just saying so my two things fritz and erntz getting a, getting a fight. During this fight, francis is the most annoying person ever Because, like, fritz hits Ernst, yes, right, punches him in the face. And then he says, ernst, get him, get him now, ernst, punch him, fight, fight. And then Ernst punched Fritz Okay, fritz, hit him in the face, punch him. He's a jerk in the whole fight. Right, he's rooting for both teams. He has no idea what he's doing, he just wants to fight. Until the dad hears it, he's yelling, fight the whole time. And then during the this is the most. This is one of my funniest, the funniest scenes. I started laughing out loud when I was watching. I don't know if it was the rocks that were falling to the logs that were falling, I forget at the moment it was one of those two scenes. But he yells look that guy's squished.
Speaker 2:Can you imagine what that would have really looked like? Right, that's really squished.
Speaker 1:Look that guy's squished.
Speaker 2:That's like innards spurting out of somebody, type of squished.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I think Francis is your spin. He is, I think. So. I think I've came up with this Because you had ways to.
Speaker 2:You wanted spin off.
Speaker 1:Well, I think there's no reason Disney shouldn't. Yeah, I still believe that I think they should make a movie just to do that. Make a new Frozen movie just to do that of them.
Speaker 2:Make a new frozen movie just to do that wouldn't it be funny if they had a frozen movie and at the start they're eating caribou steaks? They don't and they don't explain anything. They just have like his horns hung up over the fireplace and they're just eating big steaks right at the start and that is the only explanation to what happened to Sven and they move on with the rest of the movie.
Speaker 1:We apologize to Addie, one of the top 10 guests in our show history, because she loves Sven and we argue about this all the time.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I'm Sven indifferent, right, but I can think of creative ways to kill him and you're in your career.
Speaker 1:You've like thought lots of ways to go, francis, just now. Oh yeah.
Speaker 2:Yeah. So you know, I don't know if you have more, but I thought they need to do a new version of this. You did and I just recasted it Only the main characters. So, father Robinson, I had Hugh Jackman Ooh, it was either him or John Krasinski, but see, I thought Hugh Jackman, we needed a little bit more of that toughness, yeah, and I thought he was a little better there. I like Hugh Jackman. So, mother Robinson Okay.
Speaker 2:So Kate Winslet was a possibility. Rachel Weisz was a really close one, but I went with Naomi Watts. Well, you thought a lot about this. Yeah, wow, I was like, well, I wanted the right age group. So that's one of the things I just did a search for and then I kind of thought about them, but Naomi Watts was the one that, okay, I want to go with her. Roberta, I wanted to go with Elle Fanning, but I thought she was, she does look really young and you could potentially use her. But there was this other actress called Thomason McKenzie. Okay, so you'll have to look her up, but I thought she would be a good fit and I should have written down like what they were from. But she had. I think she had the right look and she had kind of a comedy in her background, a little bit of comedy, and I think it would be good like an action comedy, like comedic moments in this Fritz. So, going back and forth, I thought Timothee Chalamet, but he's a little bit too old.
Speaker 2:There was an actor, jacob Elordi, don't know him, and yeah, don't know him, and I can't remember Again. I should have written down what he was in. But he looked right, okay. So he looked like he could pass off as Hugh Jackman's son. Then Ernst Jaden Martell, so he was the older brother in the new it movie, okay, and he's a bit of that bookworm nerdy kind of look to him. So I thought he would have been good Francis. So there's this new young Disney actor named Walker Scoble Okay, scoble.
Speaker 1:You're crazy, you're going crazy here.
Speaker 2:But he also I thought he looked kind of like he could pass as Naomi Watts' son, so you know, you could get kids that kind of look, and then one that looks like he might have been the milkman's and the pirate chief, simu Lui, chang Shai Chang what was the oh in the Marvel? Yeah, the Marvel. Chang Shi, yeah, okay. So he was Chang Shi, right, great, yeah. So I thought he would have been a really good pirate chief captain. That's pretty good, yeah. And then I thought you could do that there could be an emphasis on all of them doing the Swiss accent. But then I thought, nah, let them all just speak English, or?
Speaker 1:British English. American and British English just because I thought that would be funny. I got a controversy. Or Roberta pick just now. I don't have any other characters, I couldn't think of any just off the top, but Roberta, here's who I'm casting Miley Cyrus. I think she'd be amazing. She's gruff and rough. We know she can act. She's got the pot. Smoker voice.
Speaker 2:She can act.
Speaker 1:Yeah, she can play that boy part at the beginning. She can probably get away with that and she's just an amazing human. That would be great in the movie and would boost the box office huge.
Speaker 2:Potentially because she's got that Disney pedigree Right.
Speaker 1:And soundtrack, if I'm going that way.
Speaker 2:I'm going, I think, with Elle Fanning.
Speaker 1:Yeah, I don't know, I'm just thinking just a different kind of non-traditional actress.
Speaker 2:Yeah, I don't know if she has the Well, I mean makeup, you just change their looks and stuff. I think I think she's amazing, but is but? Is she getting a little too old to be playing like a don't know, I don't know teenager? 20 year old? And that was the thing. That's why I thought el fanning might have been 10 years. Yeah, now, let's keep it real and they could do it over 10 years instead of just and then grow the kids and have multiple actors two cast members.
Speaker 1:Like, yeah, like the latest game of thrones, yeah, had 10 different actors for every role, exactly. But yeah, that's our, that's our take on swiss family robinson. It went different than I thought sit watch with your family.
Speaker 2:Yeah, it's good. Can't good camping fun and think of ways that wife Frances needs to die?
Speaker 1:You know, death to Frances Cheers.
Speaker 2:Cheers.
